Earlier this year, some of my fellow trainers and I started receiving some poorly worded emails requesting a quote for group personal training sessions. After googling the type of messages we were receiving, we realized that the emails were part of a scam trying to get banking information in order to "pay" for the scheduled sessions. I decided to have some fun with the scammer and see if he/she/they were actually reading or understanding my emails. The jury is still out on that one...
Below is a copy of the email exchange that took place between me and the scammer. I hope that you like it!
** Disclaimer: my emails were written in good fun. I would never leash a client, or smack them on their nose, or call them Old Yeller :) **
FIRST MESSAGE:
From: wendy williams
Date:04-02-2015 9:42 AM (GMT-07:00)
Subject: Fitness training
Hello
This is Wendy william how are you doing,I will like to know if you are
available for Fitness training and exercise services can i know if you are the
owner and I hope credit card is fine to make payment with you,kindly get back
to me as soon as possible.
Wendy
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2015 10:56:56 -0600
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Yes
Wendy
I
do accept credit card and am the owner of my business. What type of training
are you looking for? How did you hear about my business?
Thanks for the prompt response, I want to make an appointment for
Fitness training and exercise service for my family (private group training for
four).I want you to get back to me with the total estimate for 3 weeks private
training for 4 people 2(Female) aged (20, and 18)and 2(Male) aged (19 and 22)
for 3 weeks 1hr daily 3 times a week, they will be coming with a private
transportation driver for the service.I will be expecting your reply with the
total cost and your full name,address and direction for the private transport
to locate your place when they are coming for the service.
i got your mail while searching for a
Good trainer for my Family on Google
Wendy
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2015 14:03:35 -0600
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Hi
Wendy
Thanks
for your prompt response and all of the information. This sounds like a great
group of 4 to work with. The best offer I can give you for 4 people training 3
times per week for 3 weeks is $900.00 ( $100/session x 9 total sessions).
Please
let me know if you are able to commit to this payment, and we can get things
started!
Additionally,
I should let you know about the new type of personal training that I offer.
I've recently been utilizing a cutting-edge training method called "Kanine
Humanis". The training entails utilizing some conventional dog training
methods and applying them to humans. Strategies include: leashing the
participants for the full hour of training, sitting, rolling over, and barking
on command. Client's are in-turn rewarded for their obedience at the end of the
workout with their choice of gluten-free dry or wet dog food.
Despite
this approach appearing to be unconventional, I've had some great initial
results. Here is just a sample of the plethora of testimonials I received:
"Since
beginning the Kanine Humanis program I have lost 10 pounds in just 4 weeks. I
think, partly, due to the revolutionary new diet approach. Why are most dogs
leaner than humans? Why, because of the food of course!"
-
Gertrude, 23 year old female
"I
have spent 3 months training with Kristian. I like the Kanine Humanis program
so much, that I find myself repeating the fitness routines at home to burn
extra calories! My wife gets a little put-off at the barking, but she is a big
fan of the "playing dead" pose :) Thanks again Kristian and Kanine
Humanis for making me feel so dog-gone good!"
-
Mervin, 45 year old male
Looking
forward to hearing back from you soon and getting the training started!
Kristian.
okay good please send me your cell number and we can proceed with the
payment okay and The 4 kids do swimming and basketball
None of them has no injury
The kids need Gain strength, Mobility, Flexibility
wendy
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Hi
Wendy
I'm
excited to hear that the kids have some basketball experience. There are some
great movements from the "Air Bud" films that I'll teach them :)
Just
a few questions before we finalize the transaction:
Are
all of the kids ok with the gluten-free dog food after the workouts? We do have
a vegan option, but that will cost a bit extra. Please let me know, so I can
finalize the quote.
Are
you able to sign a waiver permitting me to leash the kids during the one hour
sessions? I can assure you that I will only hit them on their noses if they are
really disobedient.
Lastly
each kid will receive a free custom "Kanine Humanis" t-shirt upon
enrollment. The t-shirts will have a special nickname printed on the back. I'll
address them by their nickname during the one hour sessions. Suggested
nicknames include : Old Yeller, Lassie, Scooby Doo, and Santa's Little Helper. The
kids can choose their own nickname to be printed on their shirt, however, I
prefer that it is a popular dog's name. Please message me back with the
preferred nicknames and desired sizes for the shirts. We currently have Small,
Medium, and Large sizes available.
Looking forward to hearing back from you!
Rest-assured that these workouts will be
something to bark about!
Thanks
Kristian
please send me your cell and we talk this via text okay
Date: Thu, 2 Apr 2015 21:16:33
-0600
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Hi
Wendy,
Unfortunately,
I don't have a text messaging plan on my phone. I've heard that those text
message plans cost like a millions dollars or something. However, I think we
are doing just fine over email, so perhaps you could send me the answers to my
questions via email? That way I can get the dog food ready and start sewing the
t-shirts. As soon as I get the answers to the questions, we can proceed with the
final quote and credit card payment.
Just
a quick review of the questions I need answering. A simple yes or no answer
will suffice:
Do
the kids require vegan dog food, or is our regular gluten-free dog food ok?
What
are the kids chosen nicknames? I forgot to suggest Snoopy. That has actually
been our most popular nicknames for the t-shirts!
Do
you consent to the leashing of your children during the one our training
sessions and the occasional hitting of their noses (only if necessary) ?
Are
you able to provide the following items for each of the kids to bring to
training: dog collar, bowl for drinking water, and a pooper-scooper for
cleaning up any mess?
Please
send me the answers to the questions and that way we can I can start training
your kids as if they are actually dogs!
Thanks
Kristian
okay good what is the total cost again and i can make the payment with
my card and when can they get started
wendy
FINAL EMAIL:
Date: Sat, 4 Apr 2015 10:25:47 -0600
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Subject: Re: Fitness training
From: innerimagept@gmail.com
To: wendywilliams1218@outlook.com
Hi Wendy,
I
apologize for not responding to your email sooner. One of my clients got off of
his leash and escaped from the gym during our last training session. After
scouring the city, I managed to find him in a parking lot close to the gym,
urinating on a fire hydrant.
In
terms of payment: since you are not willing to sign the waiver consenting to
the leashing of your children, and also, since leashing your children is
illegal, I will have to charge you a premium. I need to cover myself in case I
get sued or thrown in jail. The final quote for the training (without signed
waiver) is 2.5 billion USD ($2,500,000,000).
Please
send me the cash in crisp, unmarked bills via messenger pigeon.
You
can have the pigeon drop off the cash at the following address:
129 Northeast Southwest Avenue,
Barkville, Canada
DOG POO
Looking
forward to receiving the payment as I have a trip to Las Vegas coming up!
Thanks,
Kristian
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